People leave their jobs for all kinds of different reasons.

They thought the role was right for them, but it wasn’t.

They thought they were going to spend most of their time working on the parts of the role they enjoyed, but quickly realised that the less enjoyable ‘administrative’ parts of the role were what the job is really about.

They thought they could handle the commute, but they couldn’t.

Or maybe they thought they could handle the remote or hybrid working, but they can’t. Maybe they’re ‘people’ people and need to be physically around their team as much as possible to feel focused and motivated. If the role doesn’t let them do that, it won’t take them long to realise how much they miss that camaraderie. Their productivity will be affected by it too.

Alternatively, maybe they know they’re not the right fit for your team. That doesn’t have to be because there’s anything wrong with your team or that you and your people haven’t been welcoming and equipped them with the right tools, sometimes even the most promising new arrivals simply won’t gel.

Their life circumstances have changed for reasons you might know nothing about. For example, soon after they took the job they broke up with their partner, so the break-up is actually the reason they need to leave but they haven’t known you long enough to be comfortable telling you that. Or maybe they took the job because they were already going through a significant life change (like a break-up) and it wasn’t until they were in the hot seat that they realised they’re here for the wrong reasons and not mentally equipped for the challenge.

Those are just some of the reasons people could leave quickly and, as a leader, there’s nothing you can do about it. None of those reasons are a reflection on you or your leadership so there’s no point in taking it personally.

Taking it personally is a waste of your time and energy.

What you should do is talk to the person about it when they tell you they’ve decided to leave.

(Important note: don’t leave this conversation until the Exit Interview because then it’s too late. The Exit Interview isn’t the time to ask questions and offer solutions, it’s the time to formally let the person go as amicably as possible.)

So, when they first tell you they’ve decided to leave, try to find out what their reasons are. If the reasons are personal, like a break-up, you might just have to settle for a vague “my personal circumstances have changed” kind of answer and not push any harder. If you’re a good leader, you’ll be able to read those signs.

If the reasons are “I didn’t think I’d be so tied up on the bits of the job I don’t like” or “the commute’s too difficult” or “I can’t get into remote working, I need to always be around people”, then it’s still unlikely you’ll be able to do much, if anything, about it. The job is what it is. So long as you were clear about what the role entailed when you published the job description and they knew what they were getting into when you talked about it at the interview and sign-up stages, there’s nothing for you to feel bad about. Too often, people will only see the parts of a job they want to see, or they’ll accept a job while secretly thinking, “It’s okay, I’ll find a way to build up the stuff I want to do and play down the stuff I don’t, or offload it onto someone else.” It’s not until they’re doing the job that the reality kicks in.

Commutes can be the same, especially if the work is based somewhere that the transportation links are unreliable. It’s easy for someone to accept a job and think they’ll find a way to make the travelling work, but it doesn’t take long to get ground down when trains aren’t on time, connections get missed, or buses get cancelled. That especially applies if the job involves shift work. The person might have no issues doing the 8am-4pm shift, but when their rota switches to the midday-8pm shift and the last bus was at 7.30pm it can be a different matter. It’s that rose-tinted glasses thing again. It’s not until someone’s actually performing the role that they’ll come face-to-face with the fact that the commute and the impact it’s having on the rest of their life isn’t feasible.

As far as the “I can’t get into remote working because I need to be around people” reason goes, that’s another example of they knew what the role entailed when they accepted it so you can’t take it personally if now they’ve realised it’s not for them. Maybe there’s a way around it. Maybe you could remove the ‘remote/hybrid’ part from their job description and they could come into the office fulltime, which would solve their problem. After all, a lot of employers introduced remote working as a reaction to the pandemic and because it was something their people wanted to do, so actually having a team member who wants to work full-time in the office could be a bonus.

But what if, like a lot of employers, you’ve had to streamline your operation so a desk can’t be available to them every day? Or what if taking ‘remote/hybrid’ off that person’s job spec causes the team members who are doing the same job to feel unhappy about the precedent it’s setting, and how it might affect their own job moving forwards?

As a leader, you can only make the decisions that you believe are right for your business.

If letting an employee come into the office every day instead of work remotely is something you can easily do, then make it happen. But, if it’s not logistically possible or likely to cause you bigger problems down the line, accept there’s nothing you can do if that’s the reason the person wants to leave and don’t take it personally.

It's a similar situation when a relatively new employee decides to leave because they don’t think they fit into your team. Talk to them about it. Find out why. If there’s anything you can do to help them fit into the team more comfortably, do it. Perhaps there’s an operational issue you never knew about because the previous person in the role had a work-around that isn’t going to work for the new arrival, or maybe there are interpersonal issues between the new person and the other team members that can be smoothed over with a bit of mediation and negotiation? So long as you explore all the avenues and present them with all the available options, there’s nothing for you to take personally if the employee still decides to leave.

We’ve already covered the “my life circumstances have changed” part. If they’re comfortable talking to you about their life circumstances and if there’s anything you can do to accommodate whatever’s changed without losing them, i.e., by giving them some extra time off to sort out the issue or temporarily distributing some of their work across the rest of the team (with the team’s buy-in) to take the pressure off, then do it. If that isn’t possible, or if it’s clear that whatever’s changed is something you’ll never get to the bottom of, don’t take it personally.

When you’re a leader you can’t please all your people all the time.

You also can’t place the needs of one employee over the needs of the others by making allowances that could negatively impact the rest of your team’s morale just to stop a new hire from leaving. All you can do is lead everyone on your workforce as responsibly and fairly as possible, and never lose sight of your leadership goals. So long as you know you’re being the best leader you can be, there’s no reason to take people’s leaving personally. Focus your time on energy on the team members who want to be there. They’re your priority. They’re the people who are going to help you achieve your vision and make your business a success.